I’ve been here for years. Now that we’ve got the apology for our absence out of the way let’s talk about burgers. Up until this point, the restaurants we chose all had a very, dare I say, “student-friendly” orientation, reflected by their decoration and their prices. This time, it took us to a seemingly more adult-oriented establishment called Frank’s. You can tell it’s an American adult-oriented restaurant because the prices will make you homeless, but more on that later. In addition to my usual super-funny jokes, I decided to hide references to 10 well-known Frank Sinatra songs in this review (covers count too). See if you can find them all.

Frank’s

• Restaurant: Frank’s
• Address: Laurenzerberg 2, A-1010 Vienna
• Date: 2019-04-18

The online reservation was as smooth as can be and certainly top of the heap compared to some other restaurants we have tried. I really can’t complain, which, if you know me, is a big deal.

Score: 71.15

For an explanation on how the score is calculated, click here

This is a very good score, let me make that clear. In my opinion, this was the best restaurant yet. Of course, our group consists of 6 burger critics, and not everyone agreed. Nonetheless, the score shows that we all got at least a little bit of Frank’s under our skin.

Burger Bread Score: 5.00

Despite the rest of the burger and the overall experience being so great, the bread was, unfortunately, just okay like in many other burger restaurants. If Frank’s really wants to play among the stars, this is a point where they could improve upon.

Burger Sauce Score: 4,50

Again, not great. Actually, below average. Sad. Very Sad.

Burger Meat Score: 7.67

Let me make this an easy one:

Dear Frank’s burger meat,

You fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore You are all I long for All I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you

Love, Stefan

PS: This counts as one reference.

Selection of Side Dishes Score: 7.17

A truly remarkable selection. This probably had something to do with the fact that they’re primarily a steak restaurant and not a burger place. Nonetheless, it brought tears to my eyes to see so many different options:

• Baguette Combo
• Mixed Leaf Salad
• Frank’s Tomato Salad
• Mixed Salad
• Coleslaw
• Fresh Leaf Spinach
• Steamed Roots
• Wok Veggies
• Chili Beans
• Bolivian Fingers
• French Fries
• Baked Potatoes
• Fried Onion Rings
• Fries & Rings
• Jasmine Rice
• Rocket Salad

I was especially delighted about the Fries & Rings combo, seeing as most restaurants force you to either decide between one of them or order both and end up with way too many side orders.

Taste of Side Dishes Score: 7.00

The fries were okay and I won’t utter as much as one additional syllable about them. The onion rings, however, oh boy. The onion-to-ring ratio was simply perfect and made me bite in more than I could chew, literally. Frank’s has justly earned the title:

Selection of Drinks Score: 5.33

Now, this is a tricky one. They had TONS of variations of gin tonic, cocktails, liquors, and just overall alcoholic beverages. In fact. I ordered one of their gin & tea infusions called Violetta. It was a very girly drink, and I regretted my decision shortly after, but that’s beyond the point. The point is, none of us are very engaged drinkers, my enemy and occasional friend Ali has even made the personal decision to avoid alcohol wherever he can. This means what we are really looking for are homemade lemonades, iced teas, soft drink blends, etc. and Frank’s sadly couldn’t deliver on that front. Seeing as they did have all those alcoholic options and their roster of the usual soft drinks was alright by any means, we still awarded a more favorable score.

Selection of Sauces: 4.50

It’s not like they don’t offer an array of homemade sauces. In fact, they have quite a bit. My main issue is that those sauces are all kind of similar. No matter how fancy-a-name a sauce is assigned, if it is just a slight variation of a BBQ sauce, it doesn’t count. Nice try, but we looked right through your sauces as if they weren’t there.

Payment Options Score: 6.00

To be completely frank (ha), I don’t know why my colleagues awarded such low scores in this category (and I didn’t bother to ask before writing this, so it’s my fault anyway), but you could pay with cash (duh), ATM/debit cards, the usual Visa and MasterCard and also Diner’s Club and American Express, which you don’t see all that often in Europe. They were, however, missing Bitcoin or any other cryptocurrency which cost them their perfect score from me. That might seem overkill to you, but I’m a man who says the things he truly feels, and that was just the reality.

Price Score: 2.00

I paid around € 40.00 that night for a burger with sides, a dessert, and a drink. The other guys’ wallets suffered in a similar fashion. Fellas, perhaps abstain from taking a girl here for a first date. I’m sure the spectrum between Frank’s and McDonald’s has some better options to offer in that regard.

Service Score: 6.67

The waiter was very nice and forthcoming, all the other guys gave a 7. Here’s why I gave a 5: I made the reservation 2 weeks before we went, and still, we got the cheap seats right next to the toilets and far away from the charming interior design. Are they saving those tables for the diplomats and media moguls? Some might object to the notion of us 6 university educated software engineers being the “little guys” but take care of the little guys like us!

Waiting Time Score: 5.83

The waiting time was alright. Far from very alright but also not completely not alright.

Selection of Desserts Score: 6.33

Look at this:

• Fruit Salad
• Tiramisu
• US Apple Pie
• Creme Brulee
• Warm Soft Chocolate Cake

These are delicious options you could have anywhere. Frank’s, however, offers a killer homemade vanilla ice cream and the following desserts build upon that:

• Frank’s Homemade Special Edition Vanilla Ice Cream
• Banana-Chocolate Pint
• Cherries Jubilee Pint & White Rum
• Pineapple-Lime Pint

Quite nice, actually.

Taste of Desserts Score: 6.67

I already mentioned their homemade vanilla ice cream. While some of the other guys opted for the combinations like the Pineapple-Lime Pint, I ordered just a big ice cream serving and ate it all up before these little town blues had all melted away, and I must say it probably was the best vanilla ice cream I had ever eaten. Alas, I favor chocolate above all else and had to give it a 7 instead of an 8. So sue me.

Atmosphere Score: 6.17

The atmosphere managed to maintain a certain level of class and overall niceness without getting to close to the dreaded _pretentious territory. Sadly, we couldn’t see much of it due to our cheap toilet seats. When I saw that, I felt I flushed with fever and was embarrassed by the crowd, but it went away soon after and I could enjoy my meal.

Conclusion

Frank’s is a remarkable establishment with good service, a decent selection, and, most importantly, delicious food. Sadly, it fails do dethrone the current #1 [Burger’s Bar] (/burger-critics-1/) due to its difficult-to-stomach price tag and lack of homemade non-alcoholic beverages. Nonetheless, it’s easy to wholeheartedly recommend Frank’s to anyone who likes good food, even if you have to pay it all yourself. The regrets will be too few to mention.

Our Burgers